How Do Lesbians Have Sex? 28 Things to Know Before Your First Time
It can be nerve-racking to have sex for the first time, no matter who you are or who you want to have sex with.
It is important to learn about how sex works and how to practice safer sex, because there are lots of myths about lesbian sex.
Here is what you need to know.
“Let’s talk about what the phrase means before we talk about lesbian sex.”
The term lesbian sex is usually used to mean sex between two women. If that is the case, remember that those women might not identify as lesbian.
For example, they could identify as bisexual, pansexual, queer, or even heterosexual. Sex between women isn’t limited to lesbians.
Remember, also, that “lesbian sex” isn’t limited to cisgender couples.
People with vaginas, penises, and people with intersex genitalia are included.
“Lesbian sex is defined as sexual activity between individuals who self-identify as women, whether cis or trans, exclusively homosexual or not. Your sexuality is yours to explore, and not subject to anyone else’s approval.”
Whoever is doing it is free to do it. You are welcome to define sex as broadly or narrowly as you please.
There are many myths about lesbian sex. Here are a few.
- Someone has to be “the man” in the scenario. Some people believe that one partner does all the penetration while the other does all the receiving. This is the dynamic for some couples, but not all — and remember, penetrating doesn’t make you a “man.”
- It’s easier because you’re both women. Remember that just because you’re both women doesn’t mean you have the same genitals — for example, one person might be a cis woman with a vagina, while the other might be a trans woman with a penis. Even if you do have the same genitals, every body is different. What one partner finds pleasurable, another partner might find boring.
- You have to use a strap-on. Strap-ons are sex toys that are often penis-like in shape. They attach to one partner’s pelvis using a harness or underwear-like attachment. They can be used to penetrate the vagina or Anus.. While these can be enjoyable, they’re not a must-have. Whether you use one is up to you.
- You have to scissor. Scissoring is when two people with vaginas open their legs and rub their vulvas together. While some people enjoy this, it’s a huge myth that all lesbians do this. Many people find it impractical and unpleasurable.
- Orgasm is the end goal. Most people think that sex ends when one or both partners orgasm. This doesn’t have to be the case. Sex can be pleasurable without orgasming, and it’s totally fine to stop having sex without one or both of you orgasming.
- You don’t need to worry about STIs or pregnancy. It’s possible to get pregnant if one partner has a penis and another has a vagina. It’s also possible to spread STIs from one person to another, no matter what their genitals are.
Masturbating can help you relax and figure out what feels good to you.
You may find that touching yourself in certain places and with certain motions feels pleasurable. This can help you tell your partner what you enjoy.
And if your partner has the same anatomy as you, masturbating may help you navigate their anatomy better. It may also give you a good idea of what they might enjoy.
Everyone is different. It is possible that one person might be pleasurable for another.
Asking for consent is crucial.
It is important to check in before the time comes if your partner wants to have sex.
They and you have the right to withdraw consent during sex.
“If you are nervous, talk to your partner. Tell us if you haven’t done certain sexual activities before.”
Ask them what they enjoy doing or what they would like to try, or share their own ideas.
Not sure what to say? You can use some phrases before or during sex.
- Can I kiss you?
- Can we have sex?
- Is it possible to take your clothes off?
- Would you like to have sex?
- I would like to have sex. What do you think?
- Are you enjoying yourself?
- Should I stop?
- Are you comfortable with this?
“You should never assume what your partner does or doesn’t want.”
Before taking it to the next level, check in with them and ask what they want.
Remember that some people have sensitive nipples, so be gentle and ask your partner how much pressure they would like you to apply.
Breast and nipple play could include:
- You are rubbing nipples between your fingers.
- Pull nipples.
- licking, sucking, or kissing nipples or breasts
- Sex toys on nipples can include a nipple tickler or a nipple clamps.
- Using ice blocks or suck on nipples to produce sensations.
Manual stimulation is about using your hands. Try different motions, different pressures, and different speeds.
If your partner has a vulva
You could try things that are different to their preferences.
- rubbing their clitoris. by trying circular and up-down motions at various speeds and pressures
- using a finger to find their G-spot, a rough patch of tissue in the vaginal wall
- In a teasing motion, lightly touching the clitoris. or vagina.
- touching the skin on their Anus..
- penetrating their Anus. with your fingers
If your partner has a penis
There are many ways to make someone feel better. Some ideas include:
- Ask your partner which speed and pressure they prefer, if you do a hand job by holding their penis firmly and gliding your hand up and down.
- They can gently rub or massage their penis.
- The scrotum and perineum are found in the scrotum.are the areas between the Anus.and the scrotum.
- touching the skin on their Anus..
- penetrating their Anus.with your fingers
It sounds like oral stimulation, but it is.
If your partner has a vulva
You can kiss, lick, or suck.
- clitoris.
- area around the clitoris. or vagina
- The vaginal opening is open.
- The thighs are inner.
- Anus.
If your partner has a penis
You could kiss, lick, or suck.
- penis
- scrotum and perineum are found in the scrotum.
- The thighs are inner.
- Anus.
Penetration is often associated with penises, but you can penetrate the vagina or Anus.with a range of different things, such as your fingers, your fist, or a sex toy.
Vaginal
Talk to your partner about birth control options if you have sex in vagina.
You can try.
- penis-in-vagina sex
- The vagina is being fingered.
- The vagina is being fisted.
- A dildo or sex toy is inserted.
Anal
If you’re going to have anal sex, you need a little more preparation.
The Anus.doesn’t produce its own natural lubrication, so using lube is very important.
Go gently, as the lining of the Anus.walls are thinner than that of the vagina.
You can try.
- penis-in-Anus.sex
- fingering the Anus.
- fisting the Anus.
- A dildo or sex toy is inserted.
- using an anal plug or other toy designed specifically for the Anus.
There are hundreds of different sex positions, but now is not the time to try them.
Start with the tried-and-true moves below and go from there.
For oral or manual sex, try lying down with your legs open
Lie on your back with your legs open. You can bend your knees if that’s more comfortable.
Your partner can lie on their stomach.
For penis-in-vagina sex, missionary usually works
Missionary has a reputation for being boring.
The person with the vagina is lying on their back. The person with the penis puts their penis into their vagina.
If you want, you can prop a pillow underneath your pelvis to raise it. This can improve the angle, making it more pleasurable for both of you.
For penetrative anal sex, doggy-style is often comfortable
The person who is being penetrated gets on all fours with their knees apart.
They can either put their head down on their forearms or keep their back flat.
The giver can then kneel behind them and penetrate their Anus.with their fingers, penis, or sex toy.
You can also try this position for oral stimulation of the Anus..
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
Your individual risk of being bitten by a STI depends on a number of factors.
- What are you doing?
- Both you and your partner have a history of sexual activity.
- whether you use condoms or other barrier methods
You can contract an STD regardless of your partner.
“People assume that lesbians can’t get pregnant or that lesbian sex can’t result in a baby being born. The myth is based on the assumption that both women arecis gender.”
If one partner is trans and the other is cis, they can have sex with their penises.
This means that a baby can be born.
If you want to avoid pregnancy, talk to your partner about birth control.
This may include a combination of hormonal contraception, like the pill, and condoms.
There are a few ways to reduce your risk of infections.
- Dental dams. Use these if you’re performing oral sex, either on the vagina or the Anus..
- External condoms. You can use these for penis-in-vagina sex, penis-in-Anus.sex, or oral sex on penises.
- Internal condoms. You can use these for penis-in-vagina sex or penis-in-Anus.sex.
- Gloves or finger cots. These can protect you during manual-genital stimulation, such as fingering, hand jobs, and clitoral stimulation. They may feel more comfortable when used with lube.
- Hand hygiene. When it comes to fingering, clitoral stimulation, and hand jobs, hand hygiene is essential. Always wash your hands beforehand to avoid spreading germs. You should also keep your nails short if you plan on penetrating someone with your fingers. This helps prevent cuts and tears, which can be painful and lead to infections. You can also insert cotton balls into rubber gloves to provide a different sensation.
- Lubricate. Lube is great for penetrative sex of all kinds because it lowers the risk of tearing and irritation inside of the vagina or Anus.. It’s especially important for anal sex because, unlike the vagina, the Anus.doesn’t make its own lubricant.
- Keep all toys clean. Sex toys can transfer infections from one person to another, so clean sex toys thoroughly in between use. You may also consider putting a condom on dildos and other penetrative toys before use — this can make it easier to clean, as well as offer a different sensation.
- Get tested regularly. Whether you have a consistent partner or have more sporadic sex, getting tested is important. Your doctor or other healthcare provider can advise you on how frequently to test and what to test for.
There are lots of information out there to help you on your way, even if you are not sure if you want to have sex for the first time.
The better news is that sex is a skill — and you’ll get better at it the more you practice!
If you have questions, you may find it helpful to speak with an LGBTQ+ friendly healthcare provider. They can offer more specific information and help direct you to other resources.
